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It can be hard for a shy child to make friends or talk to others easily. Shyness is normal and it does not mean something is wrong with your child. Some kids are just naturally shy and need a little help to feel more comfortable around others.
In this article, we will learn more about what shyness is, What causes shyness and How to overcome shyness to help child become more confident and social.
What is Shyness?
Shyness is a type of feeling that many children or people experience. When you are in front of someone new or a stranger you may feel nervous, uncomfortable or scared.
Shy children are hesitate to talk to others especially when they make new friends or when there are a lot of people around. They prefer to stay quiet, alone and often do not want to be in the middle of others.
But it is very important for you to know that Shyness is a very common thing. It does not mean that you are wrong or that something is not right. Everyone shy sometimes and that is perfectly fine.
What causes shyness in children?
Shyness is common in many children and it can happen due to various reason. Sometimes children are nervous to meet new people or they feel uncomfortable in new situations.
Following are the various reasons/factors which causing shyness in children
1. Natural Character
Some children are naturally more shy. These children like to remain quiet and play alone. When they are near new people, they feel nervous. This is part of their nature and it is quite normal for children.
2. Influence of Family
If someone in the family has a habit of shyness, then the children also start doing the same. For example, if parents or siblings shy, then the child can also learn the same habit. The influence of the family has a great impact on the behavior of children.
3. New Experiences
Children can feel uncomfortable when they go to a new place , school or go to meet new friends. New experience a can cause children to feel nervous. These situations can cause children to shy.
4. Bad Memories
Sometimes children may have had a bad experience before such as – making fun of them or being made to feel incapable by someone. Such experiences can cause children to feel shy. They do not want to be in such a situation again and so start shying.
5. Low Self-Esteem
When children feel that they are less than others or that they are not perfect, they feel embarrassed. If the child does not understand himself correctly or feels that people will not like him, he is afraid to talk. Lack of self-confidence can also increase shyness.
6. Culture and Upbringing
In some cultures, children are prevented from speaking too much or being too active. If the child tries to speak more in front of elders or others , he is suppressed. This kind of upbringing can lead children to shy.
How to overcome shyness in children?
Shyness is a common behavior in children therefore it is necessary to understand it and work in the right direction.
Below are some effective ways that can help overcome Shyness in children
1. Understand and accept the child feeling
Shy children usually get nervous in front of a crowd. Firstly it is important to assure them that their feelings are completely normal. Tell children that it is not wrong to feel nervous or uncomfortable. Increase their confidence and ask them not to hesitate while talking to new people.
2. Do not tag them as “You are shy”
Parents or teachers many time call children “shy”. Due to repetition of this word child see himself in that way and this identity gets stuck in his thinking and nature.
Rather than saying he is “Shy” you can say it in better ways i.e “He takes some time to adjust with new friends/people.
3. Provide small social opportunities
Gradually take children to small and controlled social environments. Ask them to play in Garden , going to friend house or neighbours.
4. Involve them in confidence-building activities
Activities that boost their confidence such as dance, acting, art, music classes or group studies will help them express themselves in front of others.
It help in showing their talent which make children fearless.
5. Role play and practice
Role play with child can be very helpful. You can play a role of asking different question to him, Like –“If you meet a new friend in school, then how will you talk to him ?” or “if the teacher ask something, then what will you answer ?.
By practicing this repeatedly fear in child get decrease and confidence increase. Role play is the Fun activity where children can have fun while learning.
6. Model behavior
Children learn a lot of things by observing. If parents, teachers or elders talk to others people nicely, meet with a smile and speak with confidence then children also learn to do the same thing.
If you want your child to overcome shyness and talk to others with an open heart, then you too should do some simple things in everyday life:
Say “Namaste” or “Hello” when you meet someone.
Talk politely to the shopkeeper.
Tell the children “See, how I talked with a smile. You can also do the same.”
This way the child observes that talking, asking questions and meeting others is a common and good thing. When he sees you doing this again and again, he will also start doing the same.
7. Praise, not criticize
When a child is shy, instead of interrupting him we should praise his for small good actions.
If the child says “hello” or even gives a small answer to a question, then immediately praise him by telling
“Well done!”
“I am proud of you!”
“You are getting better every day!”
When the child hears your praise, he feels happy and tries to show more courage the next time.
But if we say – “Why do you always remain silent?” then the child will become more scared and will become silent.
With love and praise the child’s self-confidence gradually increases and shyness automatically decreases. So smile at every small effort and say – “Well done!”
Conclusion
It takes some time to teach a shy child to talk to others. For this, parents should work with love and patience. Provide the child with an environment where he is happy and not afraid. Slowly explain to him that it is good to meet, play and talk with friends.
If the child does not talk to anyone, do not scold him. Praise him when he talks to someone even a little or takes part in a game. Help him a little every day.
Every child is different. Some learn quickly, some slowly. But if the parents support him, then one day even a shy child will start speaking and meeting friends.
For more information on child development and social skills, check out these helpful resources: